I am in transition. Hope you enjoy the ride through my thoughts, hopes, dreams, stories, adventures, misadventures, and the never ending pursuit of the things we call happy.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Hmmm

I thought that when I started this I would know what to say... Ha... guess I was wrong. I guess the best way to start is give a short bio of me.

I grew up in TX. My mother started me in dance along with my sisters when I was 4. I was a tom boy so ballet seemed the best way to feminize me I suppose. One of my sisters cried everyday at the studio. She quite possibly had the most potential as a dancer, just by the grace of her God given build, but needless to say her dancer years were short lived. The other one had the most talent, but alas 8th grade came and cheerleading came acallin. And theeeeeeeeen there was me. From the start I was rough around the edges. And when I mean start I mean outta the womb, the doc in a way flung me at my dad and he recalls me trying to peek my eyes open, taking my first breath, and screaming for 4 hours. I had a lot to say appartently about the new world. So there I sat, messy lopsided bun, elephant knees (where the tights are baggy around the knees), and a lil chunky (I'm being polite) when my mom looks at me and asked if I wanted to quit too. "nah I'm good" was my reply. All the way I remain a tom boy.

After many years at the school I started at I somehow became a dancer. Obsessed about the art. Dedicated to the very core of my little being. I can see now that I was so very spoiled with my school I grew up in. Both artistic directors amazing dancers in their own right, teaching us all they knew, and creating dreamers, work horses, and above everything else... dancers.

At 15, I went away to a ballet boarding school up through graduation. I learned about friendships, independence, a few eatting disorders (I wouldn't recommend em), and if I could make it to the big leagues. I didn't even take my SAT's when the time came around to it, cause I was convinced after "it all" I just had to get a contract with a company somewhere. I mean hello, at 17 you feel invinciple and that ABT would surely get the memo to give ME a contract like all the other fairy tale stories I read about, and studied through videos. Well, trials, tribulations, and a whole lotta NO's, I got concerned. I would even take my rejection letters, rewrite them to make the hillarious wall decorations in my mascicistic mind.... "Dear Ms. Drake" would turn into "Dear Stupid Loser Ms. Male Malard Duck".... and so on and so forth. I snagged a contract with a Mid sized company and needless to say took it.

After 4 seasons, several fat talks, ups, downs, and my first real relationship, we (my now fiance and I) left to pursue more to life. After a stint in TN, 13 mos rehabbing an injury, a stint in NYC getting back from said injury and retraining for auditioning again, getting a contract in a SMALL southern company where we had so much hope in but the director had a smaaaaaall mind, big ego, and no morals (when were drugs and alcohol acceptable in the work force???? didn't get that FYI appartently), after 6 months (needless to say) left aka got let go for accepting a guesting, and became a freelance artist again.

I am in transition. Always apparently.

My old studio brought me in for their 25th anniversary nutcracker alumni show to dance snow queen and sugar plum with a friend who also grew up in the school. It was the reason I got fired and if given the choice to go back in time I would do it all over again. I loved going back home. All things familiar, all things different. It was amazing and just pure joy. I though that the dance world had become this big, bad, mean heartless, hopeless, monster that was filled with shortsighted people where money was at the forefront, and art was nonexistent... but the shows I just completed were.... pure joy.

I know it can exist. I know I may have to create such a thing for others that hasn't been made for me and others like me, but dancers are too beautiful to be given bupkiss.

But for now that's my story in the most edited version I can give...
soooooo....
Til next time.

2 comments:

  1. Quite beautiful young lady, how about amongst superhero, dancer, and others you add WRITER! I believe true writers of the dance world are a thing of the past....... Only those true artists can see dance in its entirety, and only those that have loved it so deeply can place their egos aside and see its true value in this rather difficult world we live in! Keep the love for all that is good in your heart T

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  2. Thanks beautiful.... hopdully we can see each other soon!

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