I am in transition. Hope you enjoy the ride through my thoughts, hopes, dreams, stories, adventures, misadventures, and the never ending pursuit of the things we call happy.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Here's what

I'm not.........
perfect-


And am proud of that. I never set out to be, so I suppose it's not a loss to announce it.

I am...
Hopeful-

Even in the imperfections...


I try to be a good person, I care, but have found that sometimes... not all the care in the world can change stubbornness but rest easy in the fact that I don't have to fix everyone I care abouts problems... I don't mean to sound harsh, but sometimes, no correction... ALL the time... ya just gotta let go and let God.



It doesn't go without saying though that its acceptable to be immobile, stagnate, complacent, inconcise... it simply mean it's not in your hand, but His, yet we are given a job from Him and each given a gift to see it through.



There should never be a moment in our "communication generation" that you are bored...



You need care in your life but knowing that if you at least attempt with a hopefulness that maybe some stubbornness can change some of the worlds ugly than that's one thing that is beautiful, and when you fail its not a failure you just get crafty and find another way to be hopeful for another ugly, and maybe more will catch the hopefulness like a cold...



I think that realism, sarcasm, and literal all go together and also separately... just because you see something more cut and dry doesn't mean you are a bad person, but if you can soften the edges to each, not be afraid of an open heart, know you will be hurt and that is alright... the degree you allow the hurt to consume you is the measure of your hope... the vain hope in hope that the beauty will rear its beautiful head and the ugly will pass is the reason we get out of bed.



Also in the fact that there is... a.lot.of.ugly. and not be blind to it is also of importance.



The more knowledge give way to more chances of you making the choices for bettering for a life worth living.



OK... now that all being said... lets go over lam ens terms for you skimmer out there that only read the beginning and end....



be hopeful



its OK to not be perfect



its good to know you cant fix every ones problems



still be hopeful



and.... ya



Since last we spoke I have been getting ready to perform my dream role... Odette in Swan Lake. It is such a moment...
You know... those times in your life that become more than just an occurrence. I am at the moment.

It makes me sad when I think we as dancers work so hard and long for only but moments, tiny glimpses on stage that more than coffee can do to make you feel awake. So many things about life make you feel as though you are awake in a daze... that you don't look through the window, but more so "at" it. You end up seeing the smudges, ridiculing the tiny hand prints you will have to clean later, (or in my case) the dog nose prints that are made when they see you coming home and their excitement for you, the paint that's chipping, the dust, dirt... but truly look through it to the expansiveness of the world we live in... that moment when its like from the movie Hook, and the little lost boy goes up to Robin Williams who brilliantly played Peter, moves his hair, pulls his face where there aren't any wrinkles and says so gently "oh there you are Peter"...

I organized with my bosses permission a group here in Nashville called 'Mending Hearts' to come and see a runthru of Swan Lake. A quick rundown of the organization is that it is a safe haven, home, halfway house, escape... from abuse (physical, emotion, or substance) that allows women a second chance, to get back on there own two feet, build strength, have a family, a shower (things we take for granted everyday), job skills.... but mainly Hope.

The exchange got me more than excited to hear them say that "we are so excited, no one has ever done anything like this for our women and most of them have never seen ballet and this is all they can talk about"...
It was more than an honor to get to dance for these courageous women.

I hope to keep finding those special, hopeful, moments....... where one day, when I am an old, grey, false teeth losing, crazy outfit wearing, dancing to music in my head of ballets gone past, someone will say to me "oh there you are Peter..." or more less "Jen"...





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