I am in transition. Hope you enjoy the ride through my thoughts, hopes, dreams, stories, adventures, misadventures, and the never ending pursuit of the things we call happy.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Past life.

Time is a funny thing ya know... continuous until it just isn't anymore...

My husband (the ever timely man) will, on occasion, trick me to be on time by telling me we have to leave at 4 when in actuality not til 4:30 cause he knows my clock usually runs 5 to sometimes 15 minutes behind schedule and when I'm "rushed" I go even slower. He doesn't however know that I am onto him and that, like my mother, don't "rush".

But it seems that I get along fairly well in life being 5 minutes behind... and makes me wonder if my life didn't run perpetually 5 minutes behind how much of a difference (good or bad) would it make?

I have within the past two days gotten messages from my youth... One from my best friend my senior year at the performing arts school I went to, who now is possibly planning a trip down from her home in Canada to visit in the New Year and the other, my 5th grade best friend who now lives but 2 hours away from good ole Nashvegas and possibly will come see a show series in March... how crazy is that?

With almost all of my friends I have been able to just pick up where we left off... I have been in touch through first myspace and then facebook with one of my oldest and dearest best friends in the whole wide world from back home and although neither of us could make it, we even invited each other to our weddings... And I'd love to still see her!

Time really does fly and I'm not entirely sure people enter your life for just a reason, a season, or a lifetime...
Thus far, the people in my life now and from my youth enter it to bring back new feelings from old and the happiest of memories and we even have the ability to make new ones through it all from over time.

The friend from school and I had written each others notes for our senior year in notebooks and she and I are rewriting our notes. It's so funny to hear my 17 year old self through the notes.

Makes me beg the question... if you had the chance, would you tell your 17 year old self tips, pointers, key notes to the years to come? Or if given the opportunity would you just give a few wise words of advice?

So, here goes...

Dearest Jen,
You will be hungry beyond words for things you think you want more than anything else in the world and will almost do anything to achieve them. You find yourself at 18, when you finally come to terms with some nightmares from your past. You will be lonely but never alone. Breath in and out. You push your parents away even if they don't know or understand, but their smothering love is what actually keeps you at grips with not losing yourself, so you don't push too hard. You will meet a boy that is different from any other boy that you have ever met. He is your first love. He hurts you, but in all the pain over the years you finally find your voice you lost for awhile. He becomes the man that gives you a ring on your hand and you realize he is the one. You get injured and realize how precious of a gift you have been given and with the lack of respect for it being just that, a gift, you find your love for it all over again... and grow more in that year by the people who stick with you... some surprise you. You get to go back to your roots in Texas a few times... it's bitter sweet. You get closer with two of your sisters and mourn the death of one that completely loses themselves in greed, selfishness, and anger and you rekindle with your brother and meet his daughters, your nieces, and you finally have closure. You almost give up after a few stumped moments with companies, but stand firm to your own integrity and mere hope, and get a very unexpected email from someone who alters once again what you thought you wanted. You make a move and pray and find someone in the least likely of scenarios that grants some of your long lost wishes and you find a ton of love. During all this, you will cry, find some moments where you actually give it all up and try to end your own life but God had given you a lil 4 legged guardian angel that looks over you and causes you to beg for your life you but moments before tried to take, you will fight and sometimes lose, but you will also experience many happy tears, a ton of laughs, get to dance some of your dream roles and learn the art of giving that opens a whole new section of your heart you didn't know you even had. One things for sure... life is much more fun when you laugh at yourself, and you have perfected the art of that.
Keep it cool Kid,
Jen











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