I am in transition. Hope you enjoy the ride through my thoughts, hopes, dreams, stories, adventures, misadventures, and the never ending pursuit of the things we call happy.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

To All the December 1st.

It's this time of year that gets me the most... good and bad.

It's colder, but for me who feels premenapausal ALL year long, I don't need a jacket just yet, my horse is a huge woolly mammoth, my beagle gets to play dress up in a lil sweater (and loves it... it's odd), Starbucks has it's full Holiday menu of tasty beverages and also deliciousness (funny story/side note... Baristas, people at 8:30 in the morning don't wanna hear their pumpkin loaf called a 'dessert'... just saying... and yes that happened... merh... if I had a brownie or a delectable cranberry bliss bar then by and by you would have been spot on... just sayin), you can see your breath outside, and your usually grumpy neighbors put up there Christmas lights so you think that at least there is some good left in em... lol... jk... ish.

I drove for some breakfast (bagel and cream cheese... mmmmm) this morning and watch some leaves fall from the huge massive living tree... watched their final breath before the resting place where it becomes part of the earth and essentially goes back to the beginning of it's own life. How cool is that? Then I looked up and there were a few more sporadically sparse leaves still clinging to the branches almost refusing to fall. The song called "Live like you were dying" by Tim Mcgraw was playing and I sort of chuckled and thought "how ironic?".

It made me look at how we in life, we have seasons of our own (I know, lookie me being all deep and such)... but before ya barf listen up. We high big highs and sad lows... Or amazing ups then a down that causes you to question your own existence sometimes. Even simple things. I am with a second year started ballet company. We all have another (or some of us even 2 or yes, 3 extra jobs). We end a show and some rush to their restaurant jobs and the customers have no idea that they are amazing artist (or even care) and but mere hours before were making those same customers, or some like them, their holiday season. A big up from stage, applause from the audience, the lobby of little girls looking at you in awe, in your costume, as they decide right then and there YOU are who they wanna be.... to someone yelling at you cause there order is wrong, or "I know my reservation wasn't til 8 but I'm here now at 7 and want my table now".... up, and then down.

I have a difficult person in my life that pops up here and there like a pimple... and is as annoyingly painful at times. I have already mourned this person loss and they are of the saddest people I know... They blame everyone that you love for every last one of THEIR mistakes and will continue to pick and pick at you and your loved ones til someone breaks.

I am a strong woman with fairly strong opinions (if you can believe it or not)... but things like this still make me sad. Sad is a sad emotion... did ya know? It makes me sad because there isn't an 'easy button' to be able to fix it... you have to just believe that you have done everything you can, same with everyone around you, and now you just wait for them who can only be left in HIS control, power, and hands.

What are you still clinging to? And when will you finally let go... but most importantly know simultaneously that it's "ok" to do so? Don't be the leaves that cling til you don't have a choice but to free fall freely and trust you will land right where you are supposed to because of He who makes all things new?

He said:
"I was in my early forties, With a lot of life before me,An' a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, Looking at the x-rays, An' talking 'bout the options an' talkin’ ‘bout sweet time."

I asked him when it sank in, That this might really be the real end? How’s it hit you when you get that kind of news? Man whatcha do?

An' he said:
"I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing, I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu. And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter, And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."

An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance, To live like you were dyin'."

He said
"I was finally the husband, That most the time I wasn’t. An' I became a friend a friend would like to have. And all of a sudden goin' fishin’ Wasn’t such an imposition, And I went three times that year I lost my Dad. Well, I finally read the Good Book, And I took a good long hard look, At what I'd do if I could do it all again,

And then:
I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing, I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu. And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter, And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."

An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance, To live like you were dyin'."


Like tomorrow was a gift,

And you got eternity,

To think about what you’d do with it.

An' what did you do with it?
An' what can I do with it?
An' what would I do with it?



"Sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing, I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
And then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter, And I watched Blue Eagle as it was flyin'."

An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance, To live like you were dyin'."

"To live like you were dyin'."

"To live like you were dyin'."

"To live like you were dyin'."

"To live like you were dyin'."
 
Here's hoping you can let go, enjoy the things you have, Let go of things things/people that are toxic in your life, use your hands for His better good, get your feet moving for the things that require your help or to walk away from the things that simply cause you and your loved ones unneeded pain, and love love in it's many ways shapes and forms. Happy December 1st y'all!

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