I am in transition. Hope you enjoy the ride through my thoughts, hopes, dreams, stories, adventures, misadventures, and the never ending pursuit of the things we call happy.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

What's in a name... ???

1. White Wave

2. smooth; white; fair

3. Fair one. It is a variant of the name Guinevere, who was King Arthur's queen.

4. "gift from God".

1970-1985: Jennifer = #1 name in USA
51st most popular name in America in 2006

So, I'm pale.... and soggy like water... great. Just kidding. I guess it could be worse right? I tend to cringe when I hear my full name as I've never really been a huge fan of 'Jennifer'... always just go by 'Jen'. For some reason I felt the urge to know what my name meant, so Wikipedia, thanks.
I have other nicknames... a few that are by my best friends... Lucy (yes as in I Love Lucy as she is my Ethel), Jade... and she is my Elsey (we were 14 and 15 at the time, don't ask), Punk (my husband heard my dad call me that so it sort of stuck... attractive I know), Jennabear (as my lil brothers couldn't say their "f"s) and the ballet boys at Cincinnati Ballet had nick names for all the ladies... some I heard were pretty horribly rude and incredibly fittingly funny but mine was flattering I suppose as yes I have boobs and a butt (I like my carbs) so since I'm from Texa they found it suiting to dubb me "Smith and Wesson"... taken with a grain of salt naturally.

One however comes with a little bitterness nowadays... Someone with whom had once been a part of my life named me Nif. She didn't wanna call me Jen which everyone did so she used the rest of the letters... Niffer but shortened it just Nif.

Isn't it funny how a name, or something so insignificant can hold such significance in your life, both good and bad? I once knew a girl name Elizabeth. Best friends in 5th grade, then we weren't and she was evil to me... years later (10 or so), when it was the age of Myspace, she found me, messaged me, and apologized for beings so mean to me, that she didn't know what happened or why it happened and felt the need to clear the air after almost 10 years... ???. It's just amazing the baggage some people carry and what they do with it to let it go. We are now on Facebook and keep up through statuses and pictures. But isn't that something? Forgiveness.

I have very little pity for people these days. After some pretty grueling 2 days I have basically mourned the loss of that very person that called me Nif... even though they are still alive... there is only so much abuse someone can take. Call it coping... call in surviving... call it what you may, but I call it relief.

I may not be smooth, fair, white wave, etc but I think the more I live the best version of me, love people how I want to be loved, take ownership over mistakes and fix them, work when I am able, stay fortunate, humble myself through philanthropy (love of mankind), put one foot in front of the other, and sit with open arms wainting on His next plan, I will do alright.

My faint hope in hope for her is to somehow get a grasp on the beauty of life... the abilty to live is a gift in its own, but the ability to live freely just by birth is blessing. Darn that hope stuff.

 Laurel Tree Leaves

'The Metamorphosis of Daphne into a Laurel Tree' by Apollo
pretty significant to me

Abstract Laurel Tree

LIP (live in peace)
And set free!

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