Anyway, the egg shell moment, where you can't possibly not read the next chapter no matter how tired you are, or if you only told yourself "one more chapter", or there are dishes to tend to, kids to feed, laundry to be folded... you get the idea.
But the point I want to eventually make is... in life... "when all of a sudden" isn't usually so easily accepted with anticipation as it is in print.
"When all of a sudden as she walked through the restaurant with people laughing at her and pointing did she noticed her skirt was tucked into her purple polka dot underwear"
"When all of a sudden you have that awkward moment with an ex looking at your worst (like... pajama pants, his old tee shirt you have kept in hiding, and dare you even mention the scrunchie) to notice he is with someone who you vaguely recognize from the Victoria Secret Angel Fashion Show on television."
"When all of a sudden, the man next to you on the subway, looks slightly concerned, as though he could have overtrusted his fart."
But in actuality... ours the other day was "when all of a sudden, one of your beloved furbabies leaves you life a lot sooner than you possibly ever could have wildly imagined".
Her name was Isla (pronounced like the actress Isla Fischer) but fully Isla Mae. She was a shelter pup when I had worked at Montgomery Humane Society. She was already a young lady... guesstimated 3 or 4 but even for optimistic shelter who for some try and do as most dancers do on their resumes "lower the age for more appeal", in actuality again she was more pushing 5 or 6. She was a little beagle. At some point in her past life she had puppies as we called her nipples her fringe. She was chocolate, with some spots and a few places of brindle and the sweetest golden eyes that seemed to look right into your very heart when she looked at you. She hadn't been looked at the first 3 months I worked there, age maybe had something to do with it... for a shelter it's always the older ones that have a harder time to even be considered... along with big black dogs as I even heard one customer say "ya but she's not interesting" to a big black lab that was named Dallas and had become attached to me... I didn't help that customer after that comment needless to say. SO... we were allowed to bring some pups home for over nights to get them out of the kennels and acquainted with home life, potty training, etc so they could possibly become more adoptable. Well, only but after a few short nights of this Isla (who was called Joan at the shelter) decided that she didn't like the routine and one day didn't want to get off the bed... if she were a teenager she would be the only throwing a tantrum. Needless to say, we adopted her. She was the sneakiest of con artists to. Never could you ever look away from your plate of food, nor just leave her kennel latched with one latch cause she could wiggle her way out and as my husband explains it best one day when he came home from work and she had escaped her kennel to find she had "dragged a bag of flour on the couch, got thirsty so she snagged the maple syrup to wash the flour down a little bit, packets of dried bananas that she seemed to enjoy, not so much as the bananas but she tried the dried pineapple but didn't seem fond of them, the entire box of lucky charms, and just for fun the 1,000 count straws to scatter across the floor... she seemed extremely proud of herself and quite full". She brought so much laughter. You could never be mad at her. Those eyes... and he big floppy ears... even to correct her for her one behavioral fault of being bone aggressive and would "booooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrh" at the other pups when they came close to her while chewing merrily away with her rawhide and move to a "more secure location" with her butt to everyone, you just couldn't get mad at her unladyness. It came on sudden however... she had been acting off... to the vet we went and they found 2 tumors. One on her spleen that could have been operated on, and the second on her heart that was "8 to 10 grand and that's if she would survive it as she was older and with that facto,r in the few doctors in the U.S. that could perform it successfully, she wouldn't likely survive simply due to her age... and the rate it seemed to be growing it started to cause her lungs to fill with fluid to cause her difficulty breathing..."... said the Vet.
"All of a sudden you realize you have to put your own selfishness aside when they ask if we want to take her home with some medicine to keep her comfortable while we decide and just let your little love of your life rest... the most peaceful of rest."
"All animals are equal. But some animals are more equal than others."
Life is beautiful sometimes... and sometimes... it simply... and frustratingly isn't so damn fair.
You ask questions and get few answers. You wonder the inevitable "WHY?!?". You think "this can't be happening". It's full of moments. Beautiful and damned. And what's fortunate and unfortunate, with or without you, life goes on.
Isla Mae was indeed "more equal than others".
Never take one single day for granted. You never know. It could certainly always be worse, but some moments I have learned you question that phrase... and couldn't bare to hurt anymore than you already do...
But I guess if you think morbidly, it could always be worse. I know there are a lot of bigger problems in the world, but in my little piece of world here in somewhere TN, it's filled with my little loves... so tonight, I tip my glass with a tear in my eye and love in my heart still for the golden eyed beagle... who as my roommate Dillon put it best "Little Isla Mae will always be in my heart. She was the sweetest kindest most sneaky food stealingist beagle I have ever known. She will be remembered and missed. Especially At 103. :( and most especially by me... don't tell the other dogs but she was my favorite."... and although I don't pick favorites the rest was written beautifully perfect. Cheers my little love!